What would a Choonoo watch?: February 2014

Monday, February 24, 2014

Last Meal

Kind of creepy/interesting/sad:

Last Meal

Directed by Debra Granik

This movie was eh.. There is a lot of great acting and imagery.. not enough gangster ass shit for me I guess.. The thing is, I don't have a lot to say about it.

It's a good movie, it's well done and has an interesting enough story - you should watch it probably.. Unless you have hardcore ADD or ADHD, then you might have some trouble with this one.

Note to self - MONEY for character/lifestyle research

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Skyfall - 2012

Directed by Sam Mendes

He directed 'American Beauty' , 'Road to Perdition' , 'Jarhead' ... niccccccceeeeeeee....

Skyfall was alright.. Daniel Craig was for sure a bad ass mother fucker and kicked a shit load of ass - that was pretty awesome.. My friend later argued that the movie might be about the fact that he (007) is indeed a 'human' and not a 'robot' and that was also a major theme in the film. That was the most optimistic opinion I heard in defense to my initial reaction of 'are you fucking kidding me?' to just about everything that happened in the movie.

by that - I'll start with the beginning (which the title sequence was FUCKING SICK by the way) when Bond is shot and falls off the train into the water ... he survives - I can let that slide because I did that to my character in 'Static' to make him seem super-human - but I was mad at the woman that shot him.. you are a fucking top agent for England's top security corp. and you can't hit a target????????????????????????????????????????

Ok - they were fighting, on a moving train, that's hard - I get it.. then 10 minutes down the line, MI6 gets fucking bombed AND hacked ??????????????????????????????????????????

Insert argument - but choonoo, they are human, they make mistakes...

THEY ARE FUCKING MI6 !!!!!!

Sorry but if I was the Queen of England and you guys were making that many consecutive mistakes, I would have fired the whole team. M and Bond and the whole fucking team would have to be working out of M's garage because I would have pulled a Donald Trump and fired all their asses. Within the context of the film - you could argue I'm wrong because the old team did get the bad guy (duh) but I might have to argue - Javier Bardem's plan would've never fucking worked if I was the Queen of England because he wouldn't have the old team there doing what he planned them to do because they'd be gone because i'd have fucking fired them! win.

By the way - Javier Bardem was the best character in the movie. I know people are saying that he was a stupid villain because he couldn't have predicted this and that and blah blah blah.. whatever - Javier was a fucking awesome bad guy in this movie.

I would say - you should watch this - but I wouldn't haldukken you through a window for NOT seeing it... The way I might if you STILL haven't seen Breaking Bad.

The Counselor - 2013

Directed by Ridley Scott

Paid money to see a Ridley Scott movie in Theater, AFTER seeing a trailer that looked SICK.

TOTAL WASTE OF MONEY

Damn - I guess if you never dealt with death and want to go to a dark place of hate and confusion, then go watch this movie.

The only two good things about the movie - Javier Bardem and his whole character, and the scene where Cameron Diaz humps his car ... that shit was priceless.

I don't even want to write anything else about the movie because I hate it - maybe if you are not expecting to see an epic film (as I was, since it's Ridley Scott) you might enjoy it more... but if you have to lower your expectations for a movie to enjoy it - should you really be watching it?

Gravity - 2013

Directed by Alfonso Cuarón

Almost forgot about this movie - probably because I didn't have much to say other than DUH

If you did NOT see this IMAX 3D when you had the chance - YOU MISSED OUT.

I argued about this with someone around Halloween because he doesn't like 3D movies period. I understand that, but I just want to say that if you're in the 'biz' and you aren't watching 3D movies - then you are one step behind my people. He was an actor, and that is no excuse because 3D movies are going to effect how actors do their jobs too.

Either way - Alfonso ! This guy directed 'Y Tu Mama Tambien' (Haven't seen it - I know, shame on me) AND he directed 'Children of Men' (FUCK YEA)

GRAVITY WAS FUCKING AWESOME - Off the top of my head, it is now the Third best 3D movie I've seen I think, up there with 'The Amazing Spiderman' and 'Avatar' ... I know 'Star Trek 2' had a sick 3D opening sequence (when Spock is in the Volcano) but the rest of the movie was ehh.. when it came to the 3D - Gravity was 3D FUCKING AMAZING right up to the end.

Definitely my favorite shot in the film is when Sandra Bullock floats away from the space station and she is spinning head over heel and watching the earth and sun - we see her POV - and it was cool because I was recently studying the 'zoetrope effect' and researching other optical illusions, and this shot was a great optical illusion. Before you freak out - I know it was not 'technically' an illusion within the context of the film, because she actually IS flipping head over heel - but she calms down and if you are watching, you can focus and make it look like you (she) is standing still, and everything else is just moving around you - I think that is the realization she had that helped her relax (it's what helped me relax for god sakes) And I think that's why it was my favorite shot, because it really impacted me emotionally (gave me a damn anxiety attack almost) and that is what we go to the movies for right?

If you don't happen to see it IMAX 3D, try to see it anyways because it's space and space is fucking awesome!

Friday, February 21, 2014

Sharknado - 2013

Directed by Anthony C. Ferrante

Damn are you serious? I have seen bad movies, and a lot of times they are fucking awesome because you just laugh your face off watching it the whole time - there is a point in this movie when it achieves a level of retardation that is not funny, it's insulting. One specific example of when I was just straight offended was by the end of the movie when the editor would cut to these stock footage shots of sharks swimming around in the water... WE SAW THAT SAME FUCKING STOCK SHOT SO MANY FUCKING TIMES - CAN YOU SERIOUSLY NOT AFFORD AT LEAST 20 MORE DIFFERENT STOCK FOOTAGE SHOTS PLEASE !!!!!!!!

I do enjoy watching terrible movies as homework sometimes to see a good example of what NOT to do when making a movie, but this one in particular was just disgusting.

It is interesting for myself to note on a marketing level - this movie got hype because it was so terrible in the first place.

I won't lie - at first I was able to get past the lame acting, stock footage, and the audacity that tornados formed from water had sharks in them - I liked that idea actually because it's definitely something different in these times of remakes.. I imagine they might have come up with this idea the way that South Park said Family Guy came up with their jokes:

Either way - if I saw this in theaters I would have been furious, and if you want to watch it on Netflix, because you heard it's dumb and you want to watch something dumb and laugh - be warned, this level of dumb might exceed your expectations..

Blackfish - 2013

Directed by Gabriela Cowperthwaite

Amazing story of Tilikum the killer whale who killed some killer whale trainers.

If you want to avoid a depressing story, you might skip this movie and know this: WE ARE STILL CAPTURING THINGS FOR THE SAKE OF OUR OWN PLEASURE AND ENTERTAINMENT (slavery?)

I saw on Facebook (so idk how reliable this info is) that India has made the captivation of Dolphins illegal because they are recognized on a level of intelligence that makes them similar to humans and therefore 'morally' wrong to enslave them...

After seeing this documentary, I'm feeling pretty shitty about the captivity of just about any living thing.. I feel kind of ignorant that I had to see a documentary before I thought about it that way - but I never thought hard about this sort of thing because I don't often go to zoo's or aquarium's, and when I did I kind of imagined that these animals were saved somehow by being at the zoo.

For example, maybe that monkey is in the zoo because he was going to die in the wild and someone helped him and now he can't go back to the wild just yet so he's at the zoo.. That sounds so naive reading it back, but I mean if everyone doesn't believe that, then how can you actually feel okay about going to zoo's and aquarium's and smiling in the faces of all those animals in captivity? Pausing to think about it........

I feel like a hypocrite because I buy bags of frozen hamburger patties and frozen chicken breasts from Ralph's on the regular, and I can imagine none of those animals had a good life either before they were slaughtered and packaged for me to eat at a cheap price.. Which brings me to another reason why I never thought too much about this subject of abusing animals - I can't stop that machine - I know people are protesting and making themselves heard about these topics, and I hope that all the noise they are making will eventually make this world a better place to live in, but it's seems like as long as we have the need to consume - someone or something will have to be exploited to make that work. I don't research into this stuff, but I would imagine even if we were all vegans, something would have to be mass exploited to fulfill that lifestyle, and especially for the masses that live in big cities.

I heard about a few things people are doing to try and sustain our current lifestyle - like a young kid who is trying to clean up our oceans - Maybe I can help in the meantime by trying to create entertainment that is more magical than seeing a killer whale jump out of the water with a trainer on his snout - put Seaworld out of business?

Anyways - If you want to laugh your face off and forget about how shitty your job is after you get home from work, I don't think I'd press play on this on Netflix.. but if you like to think and challenge yourself and your lifestyle - watching this powerful documentary, it might make you ask yourself some questions that you are afraid to ask yourself. Like - how do you feel about being a brainwashed slave to consumerism?

p.s. I heard a salesman say - we (people) will always be attracted to consuming because it is stable. You give someone money, you get a prize. Life is not stable - and one way to deal with that, feel comfort (like the temporary comfort you might find in drugs) is to consume. Don't be mad that your friend betrayed you, and don't worry about dealing with your feelings, just go to Target and buy some shit so you can forget about it all.

Monday, February 17, 2014

Man of Tai Chi - 2013

Directed by Keanu Reeves

DIRECTED BY KEANU REEEEEEEEEEEVESSSSSS muthaa fuckaaaaaa

That's his debut film as a director! I think he did good in the sense that he was hardly in the movie had a total of about two pages of dialogue in the whole film... and I was laughing out loud every time he delivered a line!

This movie has SICK fight sequences - I was especially pumped when they let medium wide shots rock and didn't cut a lot to really show off the choreography!!

I think on a personal note - my favorite part in the film is when the lead character Tiger (played by Chen Lin-Hu) is walking out of an office and the camera is tracking back and just before exiting frame - he pushes the camera out of the way. I LOVED THAT because Keanu and his posse are watching this guy Tiger from spy cameras for the whole movie, and although the film wasn't presented in a 'home-video' style - Tiger breaks the 4th wall in a way I haven't seen by touching the camera that is not even one of Keanu's secret cameras, I thought that was a new and clever way to break the 4th wall (especially with the theme of 'we're constantly being filmed' happening in this particular flick)

I still think that Keanu's super quiet asian assistant with white hair would have made a WAY BETTER villian than Keanu himself - but kudos to the man for at least not making himself the lead, because Chen Lin-Hu was pretty damn awesome - and kudos to the sick fucking fight scenes and good camera work! I guess starring in all those Matrix movies paid off for something! (cuz I don't think The Matrix trilogy did anything to boost his career as an actor - but maybe I'm wrong?)

Anyways, I will DEFINITLY be watching some scenes from this movie again before I film another fight scene - and I suggest you DO TOO !!

Haldukken (literally someone gets fucking haldukkened in the movie - I WONT SAY WHO OR HOW MANY - you just gotta watch it sonny!)

Jack Reacher - 2012

Directed by Chistopher McQuarrie

That guy wrote 'The Usual Suspects' - Nice ! He wrote this too, but it's based on a book called 'One Shot' by Lee Child.

Kind of a typical Tom Cruise action flick. I thought it was much better than 'Olympus has Fallen' but my current roommate disagrees due to the fact that a lot more people got shanked in Olympus than in 'Jack Reacher' - I can respect that.. but I think this movie had a much more interesting story line than 'Olympus'

I doubt your mind will be blown by this film and I don't think it will inspire you to do anything (except it might give you a good idea on how to evade the police) - but it just won't inspire you the way 'Wolf on Wall Street' will ;)

If you don't know what to watch - press play on Jack Reacher and NOT on Olympus has Fallen - also, expect it to be longer than it should be.

Wolf of Wall Street - 2014

Directed by Martin Scorsese

Saw it in theater - and if you haven't yet then HURRY THE FUCK UP:

The one thing I don't know how to feel about in terms of this movie - it made me want to do drugs...

Monday, February 10, 2014

Olympus Has Fallen - 2013

Directed by Antoine Fuqua

Wowwwwww - directed by my man who directed 'Training Day' (one of my favorite movies) HE ALSO DIRECTED 'BROOKLYN'S FINEST' (one of my most hated movies) ...

Another FAIL in my book. Damn Fuqua, what the fuck dude?

I did a little homework and realized that every movie this man directs is by a different writer - and the guy who wrote 'Training Day' (David Ayer) looks like a fuckin badass and also wrote and directed 'End of Watch' which I haven't seen, but looks pretty awesome.

Lookin at this man's imdb here - he did 'Tears of the Sun' which I also enjoyed - so I think my conclusion is that if you want to see a good Fuqua movie, take a look at whoever wrote the movie because this guy clearly doesn't give a flying fuck about the end result.

The ONLY GOOD thing about this movie is that Gerard Butler shanks the SHIT out of people. Thanks and Morgan Freeman, what can I say, Morgan Freeman is a fucking boss. He plays a semi-small role in the movie, but guess who is front and center on that movie poster? You're god damn right it's Morgan Freeman!

If you do want to see Butler shank the fuck out of some people - fast forward thru the first 10 minutes of the movie (the cars on the snow and icy roads scene) I think I might have enjoyed the movie a lot more if I didn't see Ashley Judd die in the first 15 min. This guy Fuqua is good at getting A-listers to be in his movies 5 min and then die - I wonder how much of the budget they waste on that? ........... Either way - If you DO see this movie (and I hope you don't) PLEASE SKIP that opening scene - it will only increase your chances of liking the movie. Just keep fast forwarding until you see Gerard Butler waking up at his house - that is where the movie should start.

This Is the End - 2013

Directed by Evan Goldberg and Seth Rogan

This movie was HILARIOUS!

IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE TRAILER - DON'T WATCH IT!

I thought it was going to suck at first because in the first 15 or 20 minutes Jay Baruchel just whines and complains non-stop and it gets pretty annoying, but then shit gets really crazy and I was hooked.

Even tho the trailer is right above these words - I still haven't seen the trailer, and I didn't before the movie started, so I had no idea what was going to happen, and I was pretty blown away when shit started popping off.

Best quote in the movie happens in the first 20 min:

"Your mama's pussy was the canvas. Your dad's dick was the paintbrush. Boom. You're the art." - James Franco

If you haven't seen it already - check it out mafaka!

What would a Choonoo watch?